The following is my most recent column for The Tri-County Times. Lewis has a way of inspiring me to write 🙂
“Where’s the girl who wears these shoes?”
My then three-year-old son Lewis was holding a pair of fancy black heels he had found somewhere in the recesses of my closet. He’s a smart boy. He knows his mama is not fancy, and thus those shoes could not possibly belong to her.
I don’t like lace and frills. An aspect of my personality that I am sure saddened my seamstress mother. No fru-fru and bows for me. I just wanted plain clothes that didn’t make me itchy. I still do. I especially do not like shoes that make my feet hurt. Ask me about the mile I walked in downtown Chicago in the above noted heels, just hours after running a 5k obstacle course complete with a fire jump, rope walls and a mud pool covered in barbed-wire. I will assure you the one mile trip in heels was exponentially more painful than the 5k. I still wince when I think about it.
Why do women allow themselves to succumb to such unnecessary pain? I’m willing to bet 99 percent of husbands love their wives just as much in a pair of comfy flats as they do in a pair of three inch heels. And the other one percent, in my opinion, is just plain weird.
This month’s issue of Ladies Home Journal fueled my crusade against heels by publishing an article detailing common ailments caused by those manmade objects of foot torture. According to LHJ, the back, neck, hips, knees, calves, ankles and feet are all adversely affected by heels. I consider that seven reasons to leave them on the store shelves.
Rest assured I won’t judge you for wearing them. Maybe you enjoy having your feet distorted and pained, and you probably look very beautiful in them. You may even find me in a pair of those crazy things on occasion. But if you do, know that on the inside I am crying out for my old brown Crocs or maybe my Nike flip-flops, depending on the time of year. In addition to being super comfy, I have no worries that my son will think I’m an imposter when I’m wearing them.