The spiders on my nightstand are orange and purple. Yes, I have spiders on my nightstand. Each of my boys received big rubber spiders on Halloween. One orange one. One purple one. One black one.
You would not think one would be easily scared by a large brightly colored rubber spider. The orange hue is a pretty strong signal that the thing is not real. But it doesn’t take a whole lot to scare me.
Ask my high school friends who conned me into a scary movie by telling me we were going to watch a Meg Ryan flick. Meg Ryan is not in Amityville Horror. Needless to say, I didn’t stick around for that party.
Or you could ask my college friends with whom I watched the movie Scream. More accurately, I memorized the pattern in the fabric of the pillow that was covering my face while they watched the movie. I saw that stinking scream guy in my window every night for weeks afterward. I still don’t understand why he didn’t bust through the glass and cut me to pieces.
Or you could ask my husband about the orange spider incident. My sneaky five-year-old planted it my bed in hopes of a good scare. When I pulled back my bedcovers, I nearly jumped out of my skin. Unfortunately for Lewis, he missed the spectacle, but Corey thought it was pretty darn hilarious.
Now that orange spider sits on my nightstand with the purple one for safe keeping. Why I haven’t just tossed them in the garbage I’m not sure.
The black spider is not on the nightstand with his buddies. You see, Owen has tried multiple times to scare me with that one. He’s not patient enough to wait and see a well-planned scare play out, however. He just throws it in my face and hopes I scream. After growing wary of his attempts to scare me, I decided to hide it. I knew eventually he would catch me off-guard and I’d scream like a little girl and all the men in my house would laugh their pants off. So I took that black spider, which looks and awful lot like the big spiders that sometimes make their home in my basement, and I hid it in my closet. At some point I would be the prankster and scare Mr. Owen with it.
It was a terrific idea.
What I didn’t anticipate was forgetting just where in my closet I put that spider. Is it in a pocket? My sock drawer? Tucked in with my running clothes? So now I wait apprehensively for the day I reach for some article of clothing, come out with a big black rubber spider and most likely scream like a little girl.
I guess that means Owen wins. I just hope Corey’s not there to see it.