Last month I sat on a 5th floor balcony, endless blue in front of me and the continual sound of crashing waves backgrounding the slowly rising early morning sun. A fresh vacation journal sat on my lap and Oceans by Hillsong streamed through my Spotify.
You call me out upon the watersoceans by hillsong
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep my faith will stand
I will call upon Your Name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
It was like I was existing within that song. To think of the waters we were called out on this year, and to look at the literal deep waters in front of me – to see the waves crashing, over and over and over and to think about the waves of hard life that swept our feet out from under us so many times this year –
It reminded me that my experience with the awesomeness of God is in direct relation to my surrendering the hard things to him. I can fight against the waves, and sometimes I try, but when I let go, when I say, “Okay Lord, these waves may never stop, but I trust you” that is when he says, “Oh dear sweet, slow to learn Kimberly, this is what I’ve been waiting for you to say. Let me show you just how big I am. Keep your eyes above the waves, and I will keep you afloat. It will not be easy. But I never promised easy. I promised I will be with you. And that is so much better than easy.”
After returning from Puerto Rico, I opened up to the first page of my current prayer journal and found the following, which I wrote earlier this year.
I was listening to Priscilla Shirer last night and she said, “Everyone wants to see the Red Sea parted, but no one wants to be the one faced with the Red Sea.”
I love seeing your miracles. Your answers to impossible questions, to insurmountable requests for others. But to be the one standing here with the ocean looming in front of me, and the tidal waves just crushing and crushing and pulling me under is awful.
I have been trying to stand while the waters push me off balance.
It is exhausting. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.
But YOU are the reviver of souls. You can take my spirit and breathe new life into it. Please do so today. Please give me the peace that passes all understanding.
You are good. Life is so hard, but you are good. Don’t let me forget that.
That trip to the ocean was filled with fun and family and laughter. And that alone would have been enough. But it was also God not letting me forget.
He is good. Life is so hard, but He is good.