Of Little Pills and Nausea and Grace

I threw up into my hand while driving home from my workout class last week.

Sometimes I feel like my body hates me.

Sometimes life just feels pretty unfair.

I’m adjusting to a keep-the-cancer-away pill that I have to take morning and night for two years. I have to gear myself up every morning to take it knowing the side effects will kick in soon after.

Nausea is one of them.

I hate throwing up.

But I really like living.

Therein lies the quandary.

This morning God gifted me with this quote, a beautiful white coating of snow and a really good (nausea-free) workout prior to taking my pill to remind me that even if this fallen world will never be “fair” in the way I sometimes long for it to be, He is still good and there is still beauty all around me.

I am still loved with an everlasting love, even though my recent prayer and thought life have leaned far more on the self-pity and frustration side than the grateful and contented side.

And that is Grace. God pouring out his love on me, even as I pour out my lament to him.