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19 Ways to Love Your Wife

19 Ways to Love Your Wife

I’ve been on the receiving end of sweet selfless love since my wedding day 19 years ago. Corey has got loving me figured out. Want to make your wife feel loved? Read on. 19 ways to love your wife.

Date Her.

This is much easier for us now that our kids are older, but alone time is just as important when you’ve got toddlers running around. So put on a button down shirt, shave that scruffy face and take your woman out for steak. Or grab Hy-Vee Chinese and play board games in your living room. Or pack a lunch and go to a park. The options are endless, but they won’t happen if you don’t make them happen.

Love Her With Actions.

There will be times when more than anything in the world, you will want to carry her burdens. But sometimes you can’t. What you can do is hold her up while she carries them. Shortly after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, Corey showed up at home in the middle of the day simply to rub my feet and hold me while I cried. This is love in action.

Love Her With Words.

Tell her she’s beautiful. Sometimes we ladies need to hear it a million times to believe it. After my bilateral mastectomy, when the mirror spoke lies to me, Corey gently covered those lies with truth-filled words. Over and over and over he told me I was beautiful.

Give Her Flowers.

This is a no-brainer. I’m sure there’s a woman somewhere who doesn’t like flowers, but I haven’t met her.

Watch a Chick Flick.

We don’t watch a lot of chick flicks over here in boy world. But it’s a beautiful thing when Corey spends two hours with me eating popcorn and watching Jane and Mr. Rochester fall in love.

Teach Your Children to Respect Her.

We’ve witnessed a lot of kids sassing their mamas at social gatherings and events over the years, and Corey always seizes the moment to train my boys. The car ride home usually goes something like this. “You remember how (insert name here) was sassing back to his mom? If I ever hear your disrespecting your mom, you are going to regret it for a long long time. I helped bring you into this world, and I’ll take you out.” Your wife’s life will be easier if her children respect their mama, and you can play a significant role in making sure they do.

Eat Her Mediocre Cooking.

Unless she makes Tilapia that tastes like gelatinous lake water. Then tell you love her, and order a pizza.

Push Her Out of Her Comfort Zone.

If Corey hadn’t pushed me out of my comfort zone, I never would have hiked 11 miles to camp on a secluded beach and shower in a waterfall. I wouldn’t have spearheaded family backpacking trips to Northern Minnesota and Colorado. And I wouldn’t know the physical challenges that I am capable of enjoying and conquering.

Photo by Kim Harms

Our tiny tent at the base of a waterfall at the end of the Kalalau Trail.

Sacrifice Your Sleep for Her.

I had jaw surgery when we were dating and was left with a face shaped like a balloon and a mouth tightly banded shut. I sounded like Darth Vader when I breathed, and I honestly thought I might die if I fell asleep. So he stayed up with me all night in my folks living room. In my mind he was keeping me alive, but probably in his mind he was tolerating my insanity. Regardless, that’s the night I realized I was in love.

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The Backpacking Story that was Years in the Making

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Four years after sending a query to Creation Illustrated hoping to write about my first backpacking trip, I received an invitation to write the story.

Four. Years. (I’ve had to wait quite a while for responses to queries in the past, but four years is crazytown. )

It was worth the wait, however, because that query turned into an 8-page spread in the magazine. I love writing for online publications, but there is something extra sweet about pulling a magazine out of the mailbox and finding your byline in print. The fact that it was backgrounded by a giant photo of Palisade Head on the North Shore of Lake Superior and the article was sprinkled throughout with photos of Corey and me made it even more awesome.

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I’m thankful I married a guy who pushes me out of my comfort zone. If it hadn’t been for his insistence, I never would have taken that first backpacking trip or the half-dozen more we’ve taken since.

I wouldn’t have stood on top of Mount Trudee. I wouldn’t have traversed the infamous “Crawler’s Ledge” on the Kalalau Trail in Kauai. I wouldn’t have showered in a waterfall or bathed in a river. I wouldn’t have eaten guava straight off the tree or had the sound of ocean waves lull me to sleep in my tiny little tent on a beach in Hawaii. I wouldn’t have watched my boys skip rocks across a lake high on a mountain in Colorado and I don’t think I would understand the draw of a trip to Tanzania to climb Mount Kilimanjaro (Corey’s next adventure).

I’m also thankful I get to be a writer. I don’t think I will ever tire of arranging words on a page. Even though sometimes it takes four years to get the go ahead to write 🙂

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The Things My Eyes Can’t See

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I sat on the deck overlooking the Rocky Mountains in the cool of the morning. Coffee in one hand, Kindle in the other.

I’d been reading through the New Testament, but for a change of pace I downloaded a little vacation devotional from Amazon for our week in Colorado.

On our first morning in Granby, I read this prayer.

Heavenly Father, Awaken my spiritual eyes to see you fully, in all your glory. Give me discernment to see beyond what my physical eyes will allow. Amen.

The prayer struck me as odd considering I was getting an eyeful of God’s creation every time I stepped outside. It seemed to me that that should be enough.

But those words stuck with me, and throughout the week I found myself praying my own version.

Dear God, Help me to see what my eyes can’t see.

My eyes saw some beautiful stuff. Adam’s Falls. Horseshoe Lake. Alpine Ridge. The Colorado River.  Had I seen only those physical things, I would have arrived back in Iowa with a greater appreciation for the enormity my creator.

But I would have missed something.

The thing my eyes could not see.

The Rafting Adventure

A week before our trip, I contacted a rafting company about scheduling a family rafting trip down the Colorado River. The woman I spoke to was kind and promised to email me some info before booking our non-refundable Monday, July 10 excursion. I didn’t receive the email. So I called the company back. No answer. I called and I called and I called. Finally I was able to leave a voice message asking them to send me the info that I needed. No one returned my call. No one sent me any information. I was so frustrated. And maybe a little angry.

I finally gave up and scheduled with a different company for a date later in the week.

Then Monday morning (which should have been non-refundable-rafting-excursion morning) came. Along with it came a puking teenager.  No way was my 15-year-old getting on a raft.

Had our original rafting adventure been scheduled for Monday as I had hoped, we would have had to cancel, and we likely would have been out $400.

Seeing the Unseen

We ended up having a blast rafting a few days later when we were all healthy. We even got to jump off a cliff into the Colorado River.

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While we bumped along in an old school bus on some rough backwoods roads following rafting, my prayer popped into my head.

Dear God, Help me to see what my eyes can’t see.

And I saw it. I saw the thing that eyes can’t see.

I had been soaking up the gorgeous mountain views with my physical eyes all week, but my spiritual eyes were awakened to something just as beautiful. Maybe more so.

I saw God loving me, not in an “I created these mountains for the your viewing pleasure” kind of way, but in an “I even care deeply about the little details of your life” kind of way.

God knew my plans before I made them. He knew my kid was gonna start puking at 6:00 on Monday morning. He knew how terribly sad this penny-pinching mama would have been about a $400 loss. He even knew which rafting company was going to let my adventure loving boys jump off a cliff.

I am so very thankful for my physical sight. This Midwestern girl could stare at those mountains for hours. But I am even more thankful for spiritual sight that allows me to see the things my eyes can’t see. (Even if it required me jumping off a big rock into a cold river.)

The devotional I mentioned is called Pauses for the Vacationing Soul, by Cathy Baker (a fellow Inspire a Fire writer.) It’s just a tiny little ebook that I bought on Amazon. Its focus is the beach, but I made it work in the mountains 🙂 Well worth the 99 cents.

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Supporting My Hubby’s Adventurous Side @ Today’s Christian Woman

by KimHarms 1 Comment

My latest article published at Today’s Christian Woman today. Below you will find the first few paragraphs and a link to the rest of the story.

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BACKING HIS WILD SIDE

Our living room floor was littered with backpacking gear. As my husband, Corey, calculated each ounce of weight he was adding to his pack, I calculated ways to keep him from leaving.

Who was this guy I married anyway? This man who can’t go a year without either climbing a fourteener in Colorado or canoeing some Buffalo River rapids. This husband who would choose to abandon me for trips that I felt were a waste of time and money.

Each time he planned a new adventure, I grew a little more distant. And a little more cunning. In my mind while he was gone, I would run a hundred scenarios in which I had the opportunity to make him feel inadequate and guilt-ridden.

By the time he arrived home from whatever mountain or river or trail he was exploring, physically exhausted, but spiritually exhilarated, I was a loaded weapon—poised to shoot my ugly words and cold attitude at all the good things this trip gave him.

His “man-trips” brought out the “mean girl” in me. . .

To read the rest head on over to this Today’s Christian Woman link.

Backing His Wild Side

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