I’ve been living this life of “mommy” for over eleven years now. This past December, like an assault from an angry lunch lady with a greasy frying pan, I was whacked over the head with a revelation. For the past eleven years I’ve been putting up a fight to my own detriment. My mantra has been, “I can do it on my own. I don’t need help. I’m just fine. I’ll figure it out. It’s okay. I can do it by myself.” Repeat.
Well, I wasn’t fine. Not even close to a resemblance of fine. Pretty much the farthest thing from fine a momma could be. I was confused about pretty much everything there is to be confused about as it relates to motherhood. I felt lonely even though my Facebook page says I have 650+ friends. I planned, re-planned, scheduled and re-scheduled. I organized and tore apart. I budgeted and filled out spreadsheets, but at the end of it all… I was back to square one, not fine.
You see, for years I’ve tried to “fix” the parts of my life I could wrap my arms around. I can whip up an Excel spreadsheet and make a budget to save for the new “used” car Dave Ramsey says I can afford. I can meal plan a month ahead for the new sugar-free diet I’m putting my family on. I can try to shrink everyone’s waistline, including my own, according to my plan. I can synchronize everyone’s electronic devices to the same iCloud calendar so as not to miss a meeting, game, match, event or planning session.
So, as I spun myself into my own “I Can Do This Myself” frenzy I began to quickly deteriorate. Suddenly, my Excel spreadsheet, which I had tweaked only days before, couldn’t answer my questions about why my current vehicle wasn’t enough. My sugar-free diet didn’t give me answers for why I turned to a Hershey bar every time my stress level rose too high. My iCloud calendar didn’t remind me to look deeply into my son’s eyes before sending him into wrestling practice to tell him how proud I am of him. At least 500+ of my Facebook friends don’t even know my birthday.
Now this is the part where I get whacked by the pan.
I was sitting at a beautifully decorated table at my dear friend’s church. It was a few weeks before Christmas and she was scheduled as the key speaker at the women’s dinner. I’ve known Kim for the past 12 years and over those 12 years we’ve seen each other through thick and thin. I’ve seen her become a mommy three different times. And I’ve seen her through a miscarriage. I’ve seen her through mountaintop highs and deep, dark, low valleys. She’s asked me tough questions and I’ve asked for her forgiveness. We’ve walked this journey of life together, and I have been the better for it.
It was during this dinner, as she was talking to a crowd of eager women, that I saw her through a new lens. I’ve always known her to be my dear friend. I’ve always known her to be someone I could count on through thick and thin. I’ve always understood the bond we share. But that night, under the soft glow of Christmas lights, I saw her as my gift.
Ladies, there are few people in this life who have seen my real ugly. The real, down and dirty, no holds barred, nitty gritty side of Martha Ann Skow. Kim has. There are few people who have talked me through tough decisions that I knew would be breaking my children’s hearts. Kim has. There are even fewer people I call to share the latest poop joke my youngest son has concocted. I call Kim. Immediately.
After my “revelation” on that cold night there have been some things that have changed inside of me. Through my new lens, I’ve realized that some of the items I’ve placed so highly on my list need to be drastically pushed to the lower rungs of the ladder. You see, it’s the relationships we’re investing in today that are going to carry us beyond a failed budget spreadsheet, a fleeting diet plan, an ever growing social calendar, and 660+ virtual friendships. It’s about getting down and dirty in this life with those God has gifted to us. It’s about getting real, sometimes real ugly, with those we’ve been blessed with. Entrusted to. It’s partially through these relationships that God grows us, molds us, and forms us into who He has intended us to be.
So, my advice to you out there in the land of the Webinets… log off, pick up the phone and meet one of your besties. Drive over there right now if possible and sit with her. Have coffee, tea, water, spritzers, Moutain Dew or kombucha with her. Laugh until you pee or cry until you shake. Whatever floats your boat. But please, I beg you, pull your nose out of that “How-To” book and “10 Step Blog” and find someone with experience, and a pulse, who can “Let’s Do” life with you. Life is not meant to be done alone. We were created to do this thing together. Now get going…. I’m serious!